And now, the latest, is that Richard Milner (AKA Dick Miller, Richard Mailer) had made a movie, a comedy called Centerfold Fever (Starring Kandi Barbour, Samantha Fox, Tiffany Clark, Annie Sprinkle, Marc Stevens, Ron Jeremy, Featuring Lisa Be, Colette Connors, Les Katz, Angel, Bobbi Burns, Bobby Astyr, Veri Knotty, Ron Filene, R. Bolla, Suzie Nero, Susaye London, Robin Sane, David Morris), based upon five years of editing magazines like Stag and Swank, and years of reviewing porn movies. Again, the Milner touch. Half the porn stars in his movie were the same ones carrying on at his mock wedding three years ago. The New York contingent are very friendly, work within their own circle for laughs.
Centerfold Fever brought to you by HardSexTube
Milner knows many of them as hang-out friends and just lets them do what they do in his movie. People like Annie Sprinkle and Kandi Barbour, et al, but he has added a few cute touches. He went out and recruited a girl who frequented swing clubs, a total suburban nobody whose pizzaz started the pros buzzing in their part of the New York world. Milner signed her up right away. He managed to get another little juicy zinger in for the grapevine by getting the movie reviewer of Genesis to appear, playing herself.
Milner was sounding optimistic as ever, but a little frazzled, when we spoke to him at Stag.
CAV: How did the idea for your film begin?
MILNER: This movie grew out of the people, the locations I developed at Stag, that were favorites with our readers. I simply tried to use all the elements that I've been working with in the magazine and translated it into a film.
MILNER: Well, we have a shooting of a centerfold girl in a photographer's studio. We have office scenes filmed in the actual offices of Stag Magazine, and we have a big party scene filmed at a well-known underground sex club, which would prefer to remain anonymous. And we filmed one scene in Marc Stevens' apartment, where he had held other events - and where we got some beautiful shots of the Empire State Building - in between people fucking, of course.
CAV: Are things as wild at the Stag offices in real life as they are in the movie?
MILNER: Well, that's what the thing is about, because everybody has their own image of what goes on at a sex magazine, and our movie plays with that image. The editor's name is Mr. Scuzzy, and -
CAV: -I know that guy!-
MILNER: And he... he...
CAV: Does he proposition the girls that come into the magazine? Who plays him?
MILNER: R. Bolla plays Mr. Scuzzy. For instance, he's explaining to an applicant for a centerfold that a men's magazine is just like any other magazine, people are expected to work. And as he's droning on we see that he's getting blown under his desk by his secretary, who looks at her watch in the middle of the blowjob and says, "Lunchtime!" and walks out.
CAV: So who blows you at Stag, Richard?
MILNER: Ha ha ha. I can't come back with anything fast enough for that.
CAV: You've also said that you let the actresses do what they like to do.
MILNER: My feeling is that many producers of porn movies write a script out of thin air and then try to fit people into it, as if they were doing a Cecil B. DeMille epic. And since many porn stars are limited, I prefer to find out what their strong points are, what their fantasies are, and really work with them as individuals.
CAV: Who do you work with in this way?
MILNER: Take Annie Sprinkle, for example, who is wonderful in this movie - she has certain fantasies that are part of her real personality. She's an exhibitionist. she loved the idea of fucking and sucking in front of millions of people. So I had her use that and turn to the camera and demonstrate tot he women of America how to give a blowjob on Ron Jeremy. during the blowjob Annie actually stopped to say how much she gets turned on by watching thousands and thousands of people watching her give a blowjob this very minute. So we used the moment in that way.
CAV: Who else is in the movie?
MILNER: Ron Jeremy does some wonderful things. Ron is a great comedian. I found out that he could do certain special tricks. So we used them all in a scene where he's a photographer and he's trying to get Lisa Be to smile. She's a deadpan and she's bored and doesn't want to do the session. So first, Ron tells some jokes, does a few impersonations of Archie Bunker and Wolfman Jack, all of which fail to get a response. He then proceeds to suck his own cock. Still, nothing doing. So he juggles four apples in the air. Next, he swirls his cock around in a clockwise direction, and then, while whirling his cock, juggles four balls in the air -
CAV: Did you do this because Lisa Be is deadpan in real life?
MILNER: Ah, no, as a matter of fact I couldn't stop her from laughing. We were all hysterical on the set because the apples came down and hit him on the head in the middle of all his gyrations, it was just perfect.
CAV: What other natural resources did you tap?
MILNER: Marc Stevens. I built a scene around him being "Mr. 10-and-a-half." The editor sends Kandi Barbour to measure Marc to see if he's still a full 10-and-a-half.
CAV: Is he? Did you have to cheat on the ruler?
MILNER: Well, Marc said that she should measure from his asshole.
CAV: Okay, tell me about this girl you picked up in the swing club.
MILNER: This was a couple from Long Island. They have regular jobs, they're not professional actors. I heard from the swing club circuit that they were very hot and that his girl was just the most incredible cocksucker around. So I got a hold of her. Unfortunately, not being a performer, she didn't understand certain things. Like, when the guy came in her mouth, she kept her mouth on his cock and swallowed it all - so the camera couldn't see anything.
CAV: Didn't anybody tell her in advance that you're supposed to let it dribble out of your cheeks?
MILNER: No, but you have to remember this was my first movie. One has to acquire these little nuggets by experience. There were a lot of strange things that happened that I hope won't happen again.
CAV: How many people did she blow?
MILNER: About fifteen.
CAV: Why? Was that her job in the movie or was that just to keep her happy?
MILNER: No, it was part of her role, but she volunteered.
CAV: What scene did you have the most fun shooting?
MILNER: I'll tell you one. We were in the Orleans theater on 47th Street. We were shooting a scene which was supposed to take place in a movie theater, where the action in the audience is hotter than what goes on on the screen. Collette Connor of Genesis Magazine is a film critic who's taking notes on the movie, while Samantha Fox is taking notes on what's going on in the audience. We had until noon to film before the regular show started, on a Sunday. And it was a very complicated scene with a lot of things going on. We just barely got out of there on the stroke of noon. As we were packing up our lights and equipment and running with cables, and the porno starlets were gathering up their negligees and running out into the lobby half naked, a hoard of horny fans, with their tickets in their hot little hands, were on their way in. And then there was this sort of confrontation in the lobby, where the objects of fantasy met the objects of reality. And the theater manager screaming his head off at us in Puerto Rican gibberish. It was wild.
CAV: What's your next project going to be?
MILNER: Well, I'm going to start another movie, I like making movies. I like it better than anything else I've ever done.
CAV: Do you think that, as a critic, you're more aware of what the problems are?
MILNER: Very much. In fact, I think once you make a feature length movie, you'll never look at any movie the same way again. Any more than a sailor can ever look at a pair of pants in the same way once he's made a pair.
Originally Published, October 1981
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